A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
