well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
