You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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