"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
