his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
