Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
