hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
