i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
