was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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