You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
do nipples grow back?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
