So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
