dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
