We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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