It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
