is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
