I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My vagina is very pro this idea
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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