Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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