Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
