her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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