then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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