I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
