That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
