I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
