She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
