I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
