hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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