His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
