somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
