hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
