He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
