Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
