it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
