...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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