Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
