You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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