meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do herpes really smell.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
