I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
