And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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