Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
