i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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