I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
