i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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