i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
