Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're so nebulous sometimes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
