not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
