u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
