She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
