dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
