even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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