I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
