The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
