Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I didn't notice because vodka
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
