It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Randomize
