My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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