I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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