My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
