just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
