i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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