PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
