you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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