I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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