Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
