I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
