Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
