Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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