Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
