It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want her autograph on my taint
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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