Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
