he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
