I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
