I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
