Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sarcasm needs its own font
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
