Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
