that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
