I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
