I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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