I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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