i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
