I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
