fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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