i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
