you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
