This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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