Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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