i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
