Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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