I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
